Why Wait?: The Power of the Pause.
Does anyone else feel as though we are moving a million miles a minute? Describing our society as fast-paced is an understatement. When you bring kids into the picture, things move even faster.
However, what happens when we pause? Slowing down is important for so many reasons (e.g., mental, physical, and emotional health). However, slowing down when talking with our children is especially important when we consider language development, particularly for those with language delays and disorders.
Why should we incorporate pauses when talking with children?
Processing time: For children with receptive and expressive language delays, incorporating intermittent pauses as we talk with them allows them time to process what we are saying. When communication is difficult for a child, it may take them more than a few seconds to process a word, phrase, or sentence.
Let’s consider the example of asking a child to follow a routine 1-step direction (e.g., “Go get the cup,” “Give me the ball”). As parents, our first intuition is often to provide additional support (e.g., gestural cues, tactile cues, etc.) so our child can successfully complete the direction. We also tend to bombard the child with more language (e.g., “The cup. It’s right there. You can get it. Go ahead.”). Does this sound familiar? However, before doing just that, we want to provide a child with ample time to process what we are asking them to do. This is particularly true for children with complex communication needs who may also experience motoric challenges (e.g., cerebral palsy, hypotonia, ataxia). While a 1-step motoric command, such as “Give me a high five,” appears simple to us, it may take a child with motor planning difficulties quite a while to process the command, develop a plan for the sequence of motor movements embedded within that direction (i.e., lift arm up, spread fingers, extend arm out), and subsequently execute the motor plan to effectively give his or her communication partner that high-five. While this specific example pertains to processing time required for following directions, processing time is also important for other skills, such as making choices, answering questions, and comprehending curriculum-based texts.
Processing time is not just critical for toddlers and preschoolers, it’s important for school-age children as well. I often address advocacy skills as they relate to increased processing time for school-age children. Teaching elementary, middle school, and high school students with language disorders to ask, “Can I have a little bit more time?,” or say, “Wait. I need another minute,” can be incredibly powerful. Kids become strong self-advocates when they learn that asking for more time can be beneficial to their learning. I often introduce the concept of school-age children giving themselves and/or asking for the processing time they need with the “Stop, Think, Plan, & Say” strategy.
Providing your child with the opportunity to communicate: When talking with our children, incorporating pauses provides them with the opportunity to participate in the routine or conversation. For example, when singing a nursery rhyme, such as Wheels on the Bus, pausing before the end of a verse provides your child with the opportunity to fill in the verse with eye contact, an anticipatory facial expression, gesture, vocalization, and/or word approximation. Remember that participating in a back-and-forth interaction isn’t limited to just words. Just like we do, children communicate using multimodal forms of communication (e.g., vocalizations, gestures, facial expressions, words, signs, symbols). Incorporating pauses helps children understand the reciprocal nature of communication. For children who use Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) to communicate, pauses provide them with a natural opportunity to use their AAC system (e.g., speech-generating device, low-tech picture communication board, etc.) to participate in a reciprocal communicative exchange.
Reducing pressure associated with communication: We want our children to learn that communication is fun! When we slow down and give our children the time they need to participate in these reciprocal exchanges, we reduce pressure associated with communication. If your child is struggling to formulate his or her thought as they are telling a story, try to practice patience instead of finishing their sentence for them. Waiting validates the importance of what they are saying without pressuring them to say it a certain way or within a specific time frame.
Observing how your child communicates: Pausing and slowing down when talking with your child allows you to observe how they are currently communicating. Once we make these observations, we can then model the next developmentally-expected behavior for our child. When you pause, you might realize your child is doing more to communicate than you originally realized! For more on this, check out my blog post on communication temptation activities.
How much pause time should I incorporate?
Just as every goal and therapy session is tailored to meet the needs of a specific child, pause time also needs to be individualized. There is not a one-size-fits-all approach to this strategy. For some children, a pause of only a few seconds is appropriate. However, other children may benefit from a 6- to 7-second pause. Additionally, pause time may vary between tasks and differ significantly from one day to the next. Factors, such as sleep, tone, and distractibility, may also impact if a child needs more or less pause time. Trial and error will help you to find out just how much pause time is best for your child.
How do I start to incorporate more pauses when talking with my child?
Practice! It can be challenging to practice new strategies used to support your child’s communication development. I encourage parents to count in their head after offering their child a choice or giving them a direction. Counting holds you accountable for giving your child the time they need. The silence may feel uncomfortable at first, but it feels more natural as it becomes an integral part of your communication style. Another way to support your use of pauses is to use external reminders, such as Post-It Notes on your fridge or reminders in your phone. Intermittent reminders throughout the day may help you to better incorporate this strategy within your busy routine.
So the next time you are playing with your toddler or helping your child complete a homework assignment, think about the power of the pause!
What are the ways in which you best incorporate pauses when interacting with your child?